Review: Person Shaped Sleeping Bag - Soaring Heart Natural Bed Company

Review: Person Shaped Sleeping Bag

by Eoin Hudson February 05, 2014 0 Comments

When I originally clapped eyes on the Selk'bag person-shaped sleeping bag, my first response was to applaud. My second response was to stop, as I was in a crowded room. After a few hurried apologies, I immediately contacted the modern-day Da Vincis at Selk'bag and procured one.

Perhaps the Selk'bag was intended for camping--a suit designed for the bivouac, not the boardroom. But can one really call a person-shaped product successful if you can't do with it what you’d do with other people-shaped products such as pants and shirts? I thought not, so I slipped into my neon yellow sleeping bag suit and strode proudly and with purpose into downtown Seattle.

Being a proper Seattleite, my first stop was a local coffee shop. I could sense right away that my presence had been noticed by the patrons; it was obvious they were stunned into silent reverie by my futuristic visage. For all they knew, I had just stepped out of a space ship, or perhaps a Michelin factory. Undeterred, and moving slowly so as not to startle them, I made my way to the counter and placed my order. Triple shot, half-caf, part skim, mid foam, twice ground, extra hot, shaken and not stirred, latte. The barista was so impressed with my new person-shaped sleeping bag that she shook the coffee extra vigorously, even as she handed it to me. They didn't even ask me to pay! They simply told me that I should leave and continue my good work. Things were already looking up.

My second test was public transportation, so I hopped onto the first bus that pulled over. Strangely, there was no reaction on the bus whatsoever.

Wasting no time, I moved from the bus to my next destination and final test, brunch. Brunch is the pinnacle of people-shaped apparel activity, and the ultimate product test for my Selk'bag. From what I can tell and have been told, there is simply no better way to spend the time between meals than eating an additional one with the extra attraction of melon balls and champagne cocktails.

I met my friends at our prearranged refectory, but unfortunately they were all suddenly called away by work, spouses and an unnerving series of family deaths. Not to be discouraged, I pressed on without my cohorts as I knew they would have wanted me to. The din of the busy restaurant was quickly rendered inaudible by the wiiiish, ziiip, wiiiiish, ziiiiip, of nylon flowing against nylon as I found my way to the buffet.

A full plate of breakfast that isn't breakfast  and a socially acceptable pre-noon drink later, I can say that as people-shaped products go, the Selk'bag is tops. It passed all tests with flying colors--vivid yellow colors--my fellow diners are so impressed that I am the topic of everyone's conversation, and now that I am fully sated, I can easily take a nice cozy nap without even going home first.

Success is sweat and bubbly. Note for next time: get the lightweight version.

Eoin Hudson
Eoin Hudson